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We've been friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome several hardships, and I respect her for that. However, she has been constantly taken by surprise by people. Her partner ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. A lot of her social circle drifted away at that point, since they had been focused solely on him. This surprised her. She made greater energy toward our bond, and must have realised better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Over the years, quite a few of her friends have disappeared leaving her certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she was highly competent, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we have each stepped back from work so we're spending time together, yet I realize my role between us feels one-sided. I open discussion points and she changes the talk toward things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds strong opinions. I try to recommend double-checking information and different perspectives.

She is planning a holiday to a nation I've visited repeatedly even called home previously. I attempted to provide advice, yet it was not welcomed. She essentially solely sought my agreement with her decisions. I have ended a month there she hopes to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, but I don't think she can grasp the impact of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, I find myself in pulling back. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. But confrontation with the goal of a solution requires bravery and openness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state what typically happens during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement on this point. Your feelings are your feelings, naturally. Finally involves requesting how you are both going to change the pattern between you."

Keep in mind that she also has a point of view, so you need to be prepared to listen to her. An approach that works is telling her:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's wildly impactful for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

She might reject all you say, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story about themselves they cannot release since their identity is tied to it and it's all familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no thoroughfare in such cases, just dead ends. However, she might at first react defensively before reflecting on your words. If you never reach a fix, you'll have peace knowing you were open and direct.